Tuesday, January 23, 2007

To the makers of the "Ideal Cat Flap" pet doors:

Dear Sirs,

We would like to return 2 slightly used Ideal Cat Flap doors. While your product does indeed allow our cats to enter and leave the house at will, we were unprepared for the consequences of said freedom. Nowhere on your packaging did it warn that even a large, very fluffy cat would be able to get through it with a live quail clamped in her mouth. As it shortly thereafter flew around our bedroom, I can attest to health and vigor of the quail. Nor did your product warn about the feline tendency to bring offerings to their people in the middle of the night. We don't really mind the youngest cat's weeds, but the live voles in the bedroom are becoming a problem. Not that we would ever do such a thing, but some people might seek damages for the lack of warning, especially after an early morning trip to an emergency clinic for treatment of a vole bite incurred while trying to catch the latest gift and remove it from our bedroom. Nor would we sue for damages over the back injuries incurred when meeting a very frantic vole on the landing--I admit, the screaming and subsequent gyrations were probably my own fault. We have put a bell on the cat to lessen her chances of catching gifts for us, but alas, the vermin community has not drawn the conclusion that a tinkling bell equals probable death. I am not even positive that voles have ears, although the last one did seem rather shocked at my screams upon meeting him, so I think they can hear quite nicely--or at least loud noises at rather high frequencies.

Enclosed you will find the cat doors as well as the receipts for the doors as well as the cost of the two new doors to replace the ones--on your suggestion--that we cut holes in to accommodate the Ideal Cat Flap doors. We also ask for $1000 for frustration, lack of sleep, and for the expense of the exterminator we now need.

Sincerely,

Toni Sutton

Sunday, January 14, 2007

January 14, 2007

When I opted to not change my name upon marriage, I thought it might be difficult for older relatives or my more conservative friends to accept. What we didn't count on is how difficult it is for the consumer world to accept. Until this week our favorite mail solicitation was addressed to Toni & Andy S/G. I thought that showed a real flair for originality. This week, however, takes top honors.

Earlier this spring I changed to a Southwest Airlines visa card & added Andy's name as an authorized user. He got great delight out of the idea that he could use the card but wasn't legally responsible for it, but that is a whole different story. In the interest of him having a credit rating if something should happen to me, we thought it would be best if we were co-borrowers on the card. So I dutifully called Chase to explain that I had gotten married, and asked how to go about making my now-husband a co-borrower. The gent on the phone asked if I had changed my name as well, to which I of course said "no." Now, to be fair, I did not actually specify that Andy hadn't changed his name, either. My fault, I'm sure, but it was rather a shock when Andy's new credit card arrived with "Andy Sutton" printed boldy across the front. I just didn't see that one coming, I have to admit, and will set aside a few hours to correct that one later. I guess the world just isn't ready for us.

[Andy is beside me folding laundry, and has declared that he can finally tell the difference between dish & hand towels because dish towels have "fringy" edges. Hey, whatever works. He swears that if I buy hand towels with "fringy" edges and mess up his system he will start watching football in his underwear & drinking beer. As we don't even know where the TV antenna is, I'm not exactly shaking with fear, but will respect his wishes as he has accepted the "decorator pillow" issue with good grace]

I am a HUGE fan of New Year's resolutions, and this year is no exception. Last year I resolved to finish 12 projects (knitting and/or sewing), and actually finished a whopping 35. I like to start new projects, but am not always excited about finishing them, and once took 3 years to finish sewing together a sweater--even though I loved the pattern. I thought the idea of FINISHING projects was quite clever, and Andy has nicely overlooked the mania it created. So this year I could hardly say "I want to finish 15 projects" without feeling like a complete slacker. I settled on resolving to finish 30 projects, and to revive the "One new recipe a week" project from a few years ago. Andy has decided to do a new recipe each week as well, so we are dining well in 2007. And I finished project #2 yesterday, so I'm feeling quite on-top-of-things. We will not discuss the fact that I dug out several half-finished projects today......

We are loving winter--not for the snow or ice, but because the birds have flown south & the small animals are hibernating, and Callisto has not been able to present us with a live animal in the middle of the night for a couple months. There was a half-eaten bird about a week ago, but dead things at 3:00 AM are not nearly as disturbing as the live ones.

David & Andy continue work on the model trains, though David loses interest much faster than Andy does. They have a tunnel & hill under construction, and David has sketched out a pond & village for future construction.

I have introduced Andy to crossword puzzles, and he has become quite devoted to them, which is surprising considering how much more....challenging his spelling makes them. I have grown accustomed to being asked how to spell very odd, unconnected things, and generally assume that it means Andy is working on a crossword puzzle, and that he hasn't introduced random pop-quizzes in spelling into our marriage.

The Look

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