Wednesday, March 5, 2008

At Least We're Not Alone

I just got back from having dinner with a friend who is preparing for a court battle with his ex-wife. So far our court system has allowed her to violate most, if not all, of the points in the custody agreement, and yet he as had to continue to pay FULL child support. While there are many decent exwives and divorced mothers who really do care about their child's best interests, child support and custody is too often used by a bitter ex-wife to take revenge on an ex-husband who has moved on and is happy in his new life. This is excerpted from an article from The British Second Wives Club. America doesn't seem to have a lock on the loonies.

Bitter Ex Wife Pattern
Some examples to help you identify the bitter Ex!
by a BSWC Member.

It is recognised and accepted that Divorce is a painful, emotional process and it takes time for both separated spouses to recover and get on with their new lives. The BSWC has found, and many health professions agree, it takes at least 12 months for parties to get over the divorce and focus on their new lives however many 2nd marriages are finding, sometimes years after the previous marriage had ended in divorce, they are having to deal with the a bitter ex-wife who refuses to get over it and get on with her life and accept children have a right to have a happy relationship with their father.

Whatever the decisions were to end the marriage there seems to a number of first wives who have unresolved issues, we have discovered a familiar pattern into which a bitter ex-wife's behaviour falls: BEP ~ Bitter Ex-wife Pattern.

Most of our members have experienced some or all of these problems:

Ex-wife seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children.

Ex-wife dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children, ex- wife may seek to have 2nd wife, girlfriend, grandparents excluded.

Ex-wife to make child contact as difficult as possible - offer the children up for contact when she knows the ex-husband is working then accuse him of being an uncaring father when he can't see them at short notice.

Ex-wife using the children to send messages to ex-husband and his family.

Ex-wife bad mouth ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/family and make children repeat it.

Ex-wife makes young children aware of court action, CSA etc.,

Ex-wife ridiculing ex-husband in front of the children and encouraging them to do the same.

Ex-wife tells the children they don't have to listen to their father.

Ex-wife enrols anyone who will listen to her into her hate ex-husband campaign.

Ex-wife refuses to abide by the court order and considers herself above it all, doesn’t matter how it affects the children.

Ex-wife lies to education authorities telling them her ex-husband is a bad person and that he should be excluded at all costs.

Ex-wife claims everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was totally blameless throughout the marriage.

Ex-wife lies about situations in the marriage and dates.

Ex-wife spying on ex-husband's new girlfriend/wife, hang around his home, and make nuisance phone calls.

Ex-wife obsessed with ex-husband's new life, wife and/or girlfriend.

Ex-wife engages the services of a Private Detective to spy on ex-husband and his new partner.

Ex-wife makes false accusations about ex-husband harassing her.

Ex-wife makes false accusations of ex-husband beating her although she can't back this up with any evidence and her friends have never heard her mention this.

Ex-wife writes long waffling letters using solicitor’s terminology because she believes she has legal training due to the fact she spends so much time in their company.

Ex-wife claims the ex-husband is bad father because he doesn't pay enough money.

Ex-wife thinks she is entitled to most of the ex-husbands money.

Ex-wife has 'playing the victim' down to a fine art.

Ex-wife destroys all ex-husbands personal belongings she can get her hands on.

Ex-wife destroys family photos in front of children.

Ex-wife never questioned ex-husband's ability to be a good father and to care for the children by himself until they were divorced when he became totally unreliable and couldn't be trusted with the children unless she gives him a complete list of dos and don'ts.

Ex-wife refuses to acknowledge she has a problem and seek professional treatment for her problems such as paranoia, poor self image, anger...

And finally.....

Ex-wife claims she is always reasonable and all the problems are caused by her ex-husband!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate. My boyfriend's hopefully soon to be ex wife has managed to consistently ignore the court ordered obligations that she is to use the enormous amount of his spousal and child support (83%of his takehome pay) to pay the mortgage. In the past 8 months, since the orders were given, she has never been on time in paying it and has been at times 3 months late. He filed contempt charges against her for that and also cleaning out a jointly held and financially restrained account to the tune of over 40,000.00. She would create some lie as to why she couldnt pay the mortgage and then he discovered that she had just previously withdrawn several thousand dollars from that account. She lied about not being able to come the first contempt hearing and then she was told to bring all financial records to the 2nd contempt hearing. She showed up with nothing. Nothing happened to her! The court set up depostions for 2 months later and she just said she didnt know where the money went, had no idea there was that much there and she spent it on her daily needs! Meanwhile, my boyfriend is getting daily phone calls from debt collectors looking for her. The mortgage company sent him foreclosure scare letters and he has been paying not only ridiculous amount of support, but now is going to have to pay the mortgage as well. His credit is crap now and she sits there with nothing at all happening to her. I used to be her friend, so I know that she is doing all this because of spite. She told me she would hang him out to dry.

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