Recently we had a very delightful evening with some friends in their new home, and I was highly amused when one of them told us that because of some of the difficulties we have had with parties--especially Soup Night--that we were sort of the poster children for their worst entertaining nightmares. And what makes this even funnier, is I was sort of starting to feel the same way about what we were going through with entertaining. I've even had long conversations with friends usually along the lines of, "is it just me, or did I miss the memo that said we were all going to discard social graces for the next few years, or at least when we attend functions at Chateau Sutton-Goar?" Seriously. It has gotten so bad that we have cut off Soup Night for this year, creating special "invitation-only" soup events that will occur much less often.
I admit, I turned 40 this year, so maybe I'm getting a bit grumpy in my old age. Let me just share a few of the choice moments with you:
* Guest A: Attending Soup Night for I believe the first or second time, but certainly with people the guest didn't know. I walk another guest to the door, chat for a bit, and return to the main room to find that Guest A has, for whatever reason, turned the conversation to discussing pornography. Sheer morbid curiosity makes me wonder what her family discusses at Thanksgiving when everyone knows each other.
* Guest B: Gets drunk and starts bashing all liberals and Democrats, even after being told that the hosts happen to be both.
* Guest C: Call to cancel dinner plans because there's a football game on that they want to watch instead. Repeats a second time when we reschedule.
* Guest D: The Cumin Nazi. Came to soup night in our home and spent most of the night correcting my pronunciation of the word "cumin." For the record, cumin actually has three or four acceptable pronunciations (depending upon the dictionary) and mine is among them. And I have to think that Emily Post might have frowned upon badgering one's host for the entire evening. Just a guess.
* Guest E: Likes to criticize everyone else's cooking, including mine. Brings her own food and tries to force it on everyone else WHILE explaining how much better it is than whatever it is that anyone else has made.
* Guest F: Gets incredibly drunk at a party that is so obviously not that sort of party that the only type of alcohol being served is wine (not to mention the fact that we NEVER have parties where getting drunk is even appropriate). Proceeds to get very obnoxious and crude, forces the hosts to threaten to bodily restrain and/or call the cops when guest won't surrender keys and tries to insist on driving home, THEN jokes on Facebook the next day about having gotten totally smashed at the party and having a hangover. I truly and sincerely hope it was the MOTHER of all hangovers.
* Guest H: Agrees to come to a murder-mystery party we are hosting using an on-line murder mystery service. As we do with all the other confirmed guests, we give them the log-in information so they can get their character information & costume ideas. A week goes by and the guest hasn't logged in, so we remind him. Nothing. We ask again, because his character is necessary, and everyone else is already talking costume ideas. Nothing. Finally a few days before the party, I switch him with another less-involved character, so if he stands us up it won't matter. He isn't thrilled, but he still has a part to play. Five minutes before guests are scheduled to arrive, he calls to say he won't be coming to the party after all.
* Guests I-Y: RSVP to our wedding, usually saying he or she is bringing a guest. Not only doesn't show up, but has never to this day called or written to apologize or explain why they didn't attend, just leaving us to pay $90 for the two meals uneaten but that we were charged for regardless.
* Guest Z: The guest I had to tell that she wasn't invited to our home ever again because she was so belligerent to our guests. This has pretty much made me famous now as Boise's own Soup Nazi, but parties sure are a lot more pleasant without her.
Okay. I guess maybe I see my friend's point.........................
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