Monday, October 17, 2011

Thoughts On Friends

We had a busy weekend, but one that involved spending time with some really great friends, so it was one of those tiring weekends that make one feel energized anyway.

The salon turned out brilliantly.  Our friends, who are both creative AND delightful, wrote a song in honor of our 5th anniversary to perform, and a wonderful time was had by all.  There will certainly be more salons in our future.  We rounded out the weekend with coffee with another good friend, and meeting two of our favorite couples for dinner last night. 

Recently we were out with another couple, and were quite flattered when they told us how much they enjoyed being with us because we were always interested in others and fun to be with.  Funnily enough, we had recently been saying the exact same thing about them, and it occurred to me that the most striking thing about it all is that if it is noticeable that we enjoy being around people who are actually interested in us, we are obviously spending far too much time around people who aren't.  

I think I've been doing a pretty striking job of distancing ourselves from people who just don't get friendship--so much so that when we stopped doing Soup Night monthly we had to notify everyone lest they think they got dropped from the list--but isn't it sad that so many people reach adulthood without the ability to make and maintain relationships?  How many people do you know who do all the talking in a conversation?  Or who change the subject back to them no matter what you have just said?  The ones who tell you the same things over and over and over because they aren't interested in you as a person, just you as someone to talk at.  One of my very least favorites is those who talk with their mouth full.  Not only is it completely disgusting and very poor manners, but if someone can't shut up long enough to chew a mouthful of food, he or she is SERIOUSLY talking too much.  My other big red flag are the lecturers.  No matter what the subject, it isn't a conversation--it's a lecture.  One of my personal favorites was a family member lecturing me about what was in a mustard at a party--a mustard that I had actually made (and I still don't think he actually believed me).  I was even treated to one not so long ago by a recently-learned knitter (to me, who has been knitting about 32 years now) about the softness of Peruvian yarn.  Not only was it long, but even someone who doesn't know anything about yarn but who has a rudimentary grasp of etymology would be able to tell you that "Peruvian" mean, and ONLY means, "from Peru."  It doesn't mean one darn thing about the quality of the yarn.  But it was one of those people who talks AT, not WITH people, and who doesn't care what the other person actually might think or feel.  Thankfully, I have finally come to my senses and decided to spend my time with better friends.

And this weekend was filled with them.  Everyone interested in each other, catching up with past travels or getting updates on each other's interests and hobbies, running out of time to ask about everything we wanted to ask--these are the people one is simply fortunate to be able to spend time with.   


Michele in Maryland said...

Awesome idea about the salon and I am so glad a great time was had by all! I am going to mull it over and see if I can interest the male half of this household to try something like that here this winter. Maybe if I hide the remote controls.

When I am in a conversation with someone who feels they have to outdo me with one better, I shut down. You know the type - if I say I hiked up XYZ trail, THEY did it in the dark without a flashlight. (sigh) I find them exhausting ad try to quickly extract myself and go hide in a corner with my knitting.

Have a great day!

Michele in Maryland

Toni said...

Good luck!!! It really was such a fun evening!

Oh boy--I do indeed know that type, and your description is so perfect that it totally made me laugh. Ha! Ha! Well, knitting is FAR more fun than them anyway.

Let me know if you get the salon idea worked out--I'll be anxious to hear how it went.

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