Tuesday, January 23, 2007

To the makers of the "Ideal Cat Flap" pet doors:

Dear Sirs,

We would like to return 2 slightly used Ideal Cat Flap doors. While your product does indeed allow our cats to enter and leave the house at will, we were unprepared for the consequences of said freedom. Nowhere on your packaging did it warn that even a large, very fluffy cat would be able to get through it with a live quail clamped in her mouth. As it shortly thereafter flew around our bedroom, I can attest to health and vigor of the quail. Nor did your product warn about the feline tendency to bring offerings to their people in the middle of the night. We don't really mind the youngest cat's weeds, but the live voles in the bedroom are becoming a problem. Not that we would ever do such a thing, but some people might seek damages for the lack of warning, especially after an early morning trip to an emergency clinic for treatment of a vole bite incurred while trying to catch the latest gift and remove it from our bedroom. Nor would we sue for damages over the back injuries incurred when meeting a very frantic vole on the landing--I admit, the screaming and subsequent gyrations were probably my own fault. We have put a bell on the cat to lessen her chances of catching gifts for us, but alas, the vermin community has not drawn the conclusion that a tinkling bell equals probable death. I am not even positive that voles have ears, although the last one did seem rather shocked at my screams upon meeting him, so I think they can hear quite nicely--or at least loud noises at rather high frequencies.

Enclosed you will find the cat doors as well as the receipts for the doors as well as the cost of the two new doors to replace the ones--on your suggestion--that we cut holes in to accommodate the Ideal Cat Flap doors. We also ask for $1000 for frustration, lack of sleep, and for the expense of the exterminator we now need.


Toni Sutton

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You know you've reached a whole new level of gardening when you receive a wholesale catalog.....