Sigh...........

If you have never read any of Sir Terry Pratchett's work, a sample for you:

“Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.”

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”

“I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.” 

“Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.”

“Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.” 

“The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.”

“In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the
cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat
could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.” 

“She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do.
And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find
herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.”

“Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.”