Headlines That Might Be April Fool's Hoaxes

*  CABLE TELEVISION EXEC ADMITS, "OUR SHOWS REALLY ARE MINDLESS CRAP--WE OUGHT TO IMPROVE THEM"

*  CHINA IMPOSES QUALITY CONTROLS ON EXPORTS

*  AMERICANS SPONTANEOUSLY REALIZE THAT TEXTING WHILE DRIVING IS INSANELY DANGEROUS AND STOP DOING IT

*  THERE WILL BE NO MORE HEADLINES ABOUT BRITNEY SPEARS....EVER

*  FACEBOOK EXECUTIVES PROCLAIM, "YOU KNOW, SINCE PEOPLE REALLY HATE IT EACH TIME WE CHANGE OUR FORMAT, WE'RE GOING TO STOP DOING IT"

*  TEENS DISCOVER A NEW FORM OF TEXTING CALLED "WRITING LETTERS"

*  MICROSOFT APOLOGIZES TO EVERYONE WHO BOUGHT VISTA AND THEN HAD TO UPGRADE ALL THEIR SOFTWARE BECAUSE NOTHING WOULD WORK WITH IT

*  MIDDLE EAST DECIDES THAT 10 CENTURIES OF FIGHTING IS ENOUGH AND CALLS FOR A PERMANENT CEASE-FIRE

*  THE NRA ADMITS THAT WAITING PERIODS AND NOT SELLING HAND GUNS TO CONVICTED FELONS ARE REASONABLE RESTRICTIONS

*  MODERATES FINALLY GET FED UP WITH SCARE TACTICS AND SOUND-BYTE SLOGANS AND TAKE OVER BOTH REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRATIC PARTIES, PROMISING TO STOP MAKING UP CRAP AND TO DISCUSS ISSUES INTELLIGENTLY FROM NOW ON

*  TELEVISION NEWS TO START METICULOUSLY FACT-CHECKING THEIR STORIES

*  HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITY TO REPORTER'S QUESTIONS, "HEY, JUST BECAUSE I GET PAID A HUGE PILE OF CASH TO MAKE MOVIES DOESN'T MAKE ME AN EXPERT ON POLITICS OR INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS"

*  RUSH LIMBAUGH TO SPEARHEAD HUMAN RIGHTS CAUSES

*  FUNDAMENTALIST TERRORIST GROUPS AROUND THE WORLD REALIZE, "HEY, WE COULD REALLY BE DOING MORE PRODUCTIVE THINGS WITH OUR LIVES" AND CEASE FIGHTING

*  AMERICANS STOP TO VERIFY EMAIL STORIES ON SNOPES.COM BEFORE SENDING THEM ON