* No one would be allowed to put food coloring in drugs intended for cats. Red food coloring can indeed stain walls and cats have a marvelous spit-up trajectory
* Liberal arts would be considered as important as math and science in schools
* One could opt out of all campaign mailings if one votes early via absentee ballot
* Dusting wouldn't be necessary
* No one would be allowed to buy things they couldn't afford
* Vets would have to follow their own advice one day every month. Let's see a vet keep a cat quiet and inactive without the use of drugs
* If you had 4 coffee makers fail in one week, you would get a free Starbucks giftcard for frustration
* Houseplants would make a bit more of an effort to stay alive
* If people didn't say "thank you" for gifts, the gifts would immediately be revoked and given to charity
* Thermostats would not be able to just reset themselves in the middle of the winter for no reason whatsoever
* People would spend as much time with friends as they do with their television sets
* I would be able to locate that darn in-progress pajama top
* It would be socially acceptable to still have one's Christmas decorations up in March
* Holiday calories could be chalked up to "festive spirit" and would stay off my thighs
* Mean people couldn't impact the lives of nice people
* Only one appliance could break in any 6-month period.
* Boise residents would remember from year to year how to drive in the snow
* Public libraries would get much more funding
* I'd be able to understand T. S. Eliot's poetry by now
* One could throw a New Year's Eve party without being obligated to stay up past midnight
* People who exercise and eat healthy would never have health problems
* The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle would still be on the air.
* Women's dress shoes would be comfortable, waterproof, and would have traction
* Someone could explain to me why Citizen Kane is supposed to be the greatest movie of all time
* Repairmen would actually have to repair something before they could charge anyone
* Children and pets would never know illness or injury.
* Everyone would know that the most important things in life aren't things at all.
4 comments:
* Boise residents would remember from year to year how to drive in the snow*
Those were all awesome...but this one hit me...YES, it is unreal.
My brother (who as you know, deals in Tires) was telling me about some lady who came in exclaiming "my car, it is sliding all over the place". He went and drove it (on the ice) and nothing seemed wrong. He then had HER drive it, and nearly had a heart attack as she romped the gas and cranked the wheel, causing the car to nearly spin in a circle.
Some people...well you know, they never learn, and obviously some are in our midst. Why people don't figure it out is beyond me. Anyway, awesome one there! I hope you guys had a great Christmas. I'm finally finding some time to blog...
The only T.S. Eliot I try to understand is Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats. I read all of those poems over and over as a kid - so when Cats came out on Broadway I already knew the lyrics to almost every song. I like much of the rest of his work but I don't claim to always get it.
As far as the rest of your requests go, I think you are entirely reasonable. I look forward to you being in charge of the world.
Great points, all of them. I am especially in agreement about appliances and scheduling their breakages.
I can barely understand Billy Collins (did he get divorced?) let alone TSE.
Here are a few more ideas:
* Once one has contributed to PBS/NPR, the fund-raising chatter would magically be blocked from one's tv/radio.
* When Congress declares a war/police action/activation of US troops, the first ones to see action should be the members of Congress themselves and/or their loved ones. Or oil company execs.
* Women's clothing should have more variable sizing (like menswear) and POCKETS.
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