* Most of the world is either looking to get something implanted into their bodies or looking to sue over getting things implanted into their bodies
* There are many bored, married women looking to have an affair with me
* People all over the world are just waiting to send me money in order to shelter it. Obviously, they've never heard of banks in the Cayman Islands.
* I may have fathered an illegitimate child when I was about 5 years old, and she now wants to get in touch with me
* The most important thing to look for in buying a watch is that it is a replica. Not sure of what, though.
* There are hundreds of banks just waiting to loan me $1000 and this is something I'm supposed to get excited about.
* A good chunk of my friends have been mugged and are stranded overseas without anything except, inexplicably, internet access
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